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No panties... No bra... No lube... Just me. [entries|friends|calendar]

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[08 Apr 2004|12:03am]
[ mood | nasty horny ]

Tuffcooldog: Just curious if you are really her.....
Auto response from xtinafshoI am away from my computer right now.

xtinafsho: mm hm dis is her
xtinafsho: uhm who dis is?/
Tuffcooldog: Um
Tuffcooldog: Me
Tuffcooldog: Tuff
xtinafsho: whatz yo name sweetie/ u no how many niggaz i meet who call dem selves TUFF.
Tuffcooldog: Tuff
Tuffcooldog: And how do I know you are who you say you are?
xtinafsho: babye i aint gotz 2 prove mahself 2 nobody
Tuffcooldog: Whoa, ok
Tuffcooldog: Sorry
xtinafsho: yall should know i aint about dat
Tuffcooldog: Ok, Ok
Tuffcooldog: So why are you home right now?
Tuffcooldog: Or are you home?
xtinafsho: i aint home sweetie
Tuffcooldog: Oh, ok then
Tuffcooldog: Well, for what it's worth, I'm glad you messaged me back
xtinafsho: im in da airport n NY... ima fly back to LA to prepare fo mah next orgy. nah mah next show. mm hm.
xtinafsho: oh mah gawd baby u aint gotz 2 worry
Tuffcooldog: Ok, sweet
Tuffcooldog: Do you know who I am?
xtinafsho: naw...
xtinafsho: who r u???
Tuffcooldog: Tuff
Tuffcooldog: Tony Clarke
xtinafsho: nice 2 meet u tony baybee
xtinafsho: how long u been a fan of her dirrTAYness Xtina???
Tuffcooldog: nice to meet you too......
Tuffcooldog: well, a while now
Tuffcooldog: I swore I was gonna marry you someday...
xtinafsho: oh mah gawt! lolies
xtinafsho: u r so cute!
Tuffcooldog: Thanks
Tuffcooldog: You like cowboys????
xtinafsho: hmm i aint neva tried one baybee!!1
Tuffcooldog: shit......You should start
xtinafsho: oh mah gawd gimmie yo address im a send yo ass an autograph packet sweeie!!
Tuffcooldog: really???
xtinafsho: oh mah gawd yea i gotz like a thousan of dem i just get one from mah assistint n he sends em when i sign dat shit 4 u!
Tuffcooldog: Um, ok
xtinafsho: ima put yo name n shit on it
Tuffcooldog: Well, ok........I just hope this is for real
Tuffcooldog: Can I ask you a question??
xtinafsho: oh mah gawd baybee ima neva lye to mah fanz!1
xtinafsho: f'sho
Tuffcooldog: Ok, Do you have both your nipples pierced??
xtinafsho: oh naw papi i cant talk bout dat shit
xtinafsho: mah manager wuld kill mah ass!
Tuffcooldog: well, I got a nude torso picture of you from the maxim shoot....so..........
xtinafsho: bsides u gotz 2 have respcet fo a woman n not ask herr dat kinna shit!
xtinafsho: i aint no HOE!
xtinafsho: ima FIGHTERRR
xtinafsho: dayum!
Tuffcooldog: whoa, alright
xtinafsho: aight
Tuffcooldog: So how do I know that if I give you my address that you are going to send me some stuff, and that you're not like, some dude trying to get some little boys
xtinafsho: oh mah gawd
xtinafsho: dat hurtz rite therr
Tuffcooldog: I'm sorry, I gotta be a little suspicious
xtinafsho: itz aight
xtinafsho: i got yo back
xtinafsho: whateva if u wanna dout me itz all good.
Tuffcooldog: Well, Just so you know, I live in Dallas
Tuffcooldog: And I'm gonna be at your show
xtinafsho: oh mah gawd
xtinafsho: fabulouz baybe
Tuffcooldog: So do you always IM your fans?
xtinafsho: when dey find me
xtinafsho: i aint no bitch like that britney spears. im in tuch wit mah fanz
Tuffcooldog: Oh, really
Tuffcooldog: That's cool
Tuffcooldog: well, I'll tell ya what
Tuffcooldog: I'm gonna give you my address,
Tuffcooldog: So I hope this is for real, for both of our sakes
xtinafsho: you aint gotz 2 give it
xtinafsho: i aint needin it
xtinafsho: u can just write to mah fanclub if u want it now bitch
Tuffcooldog: Oh, shit, sorry to offend you
Tuffcooldog: well, If you don't want it then nevermind. You gotta understand where I'm coming from though
Tuffcooldog: can I just ask why you're talking like you
Tuffcooldog: are black?
xtinafsho: baybe da blood of motha africca runs thru mah vainz!
xtinafsho: i aint even tryna play
Tuffcooldog: Ok then
Tuffcooldog: You have any pics that you could send me over the net then?
xtinafsho: pssh i aint EVEN bout 2 give u nuthin so u culd mastobate wit it
xtinafsho: ugh datz SICK boy!
Tuffcooldog: Aight, whatever
Tuffcooldog: Ya know, This is fucking stupid, you are NOT who you say you are, and IF you really are her, then you just lost my vote, so FUCK OFF you crazy wannabe loser. Do you have nothing else to do with your time than pretend you're someone else so you can feel better???
xtinafsho: umm ur h8in on me sweetie
xtinafsho: i aint about dat shit
xtinafsho: so you best step off n find sum1 else to play wit.
xtinafsho: n what u gonna vote 4 me 4???
xtinafsho: bitch u kno wat dont even come mah concert give yo ticket to sum homeless stank ass ol man id ratha see HIS ass up in dat piece dan yo redneck fat cow fuckin circle jerkin flanel wearin take it in da ass from yo brotha self.
xtinafsho: AN whut
xtinafsho: das right, keep yo fuckin MOUTH SHUT!!1`12
Tuffcooldog: That's it
Tuffcooldog: I AIN'T NO FUCKING REDNECK!!!!!
Tuffcooldog: I'm a FUCKING COWBOY
xtinafsho: um aight bitch an im sho u ride yo boyfriend like a buckin bronco!!! yeee HAW bitch!! DIRTAY!!!!
Tuffcooldog: I don't care who you are you fucking BALDING WHORE
Tuffcooldog: You're the worst person I've ever fucking met, so I hope to hell you aren't her, and if you are, you're giving her a REALLY bad fucking name.
Tuffcooldog: Piece of advice, don't talk like your black when you're trying to immitate her, and don't ruin anyone else's perception of her. I'm sure she's a really nice person, and you're a FUCKING CRAZY LONELY BASTARD, Go home and play with yourself you insane lonely nigger.
xtinafsho: uhmm yeah now ur a redneck KKK n shit... u kno i am 1/32 black BITCH u'd probly hang me n shit if u saw me down in texas u nasty smell redneck. bitch imma kick u wit some REAL leatha boots not dat crocodile armadildo shit u be wearing. yo u make me SICK n im dat dirrtayest bitch around.

11 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

spring broken [06 Apr 2004|02:13am]
[ mood | crunk ]

yo what is UP 2 all mah pplz!!!!2! yo im so sorrry i aint been postin n shit... but lemme tell u SPRING BREAKK WuZ OFF DA HEEZ 4 SHEEZ me n sum of mah gurls rolld up n CABO SAN LUCAS 4 a week n' yo lemme tell u... i aint neva sukt so much cock in mah LIFE.

ok dats a lie.

newaYz, we had dat shit fukkin CRUNK as shit ch'all! i wuz kinda pisst tho, tha 2nd nite we wuz thurr, the crackhed DJ thnik itz cool 2 bump muthafukkin BEYONCE` up in dat shit, some "naughty gurl" song or sum shit, an' who da FUCK do i hearr up on dat track but LIL KIM. ahh hell naw bitch u crazy, i done already had hurr a$s up in mah song, SHIT, WHAT! say MAH name now trick

so u kno i went up 2 dat DJ an' wuz like "yo u got mah joint CAN'T HOLD US DOWN!! itz betta than this tricks bull-ish!" he wuz like "yo bitch suck mah junk n' i'll thnik bout playin dat tired-ass shit!" omg ch'all, i tol' him "boi pleez, u r strait whack, i ain't gon' allow u 2 disrespec' me like dat no way no how!!"

ok dats a lie.

so i m under da his turntabels suckin him off. n he gotz da NERV 2 play sum whack-ass genie in a bottle bullshit... don' he kno mah record lable offishally erased dat peried of mah life? shit i got so mad @ him that i finisht him off wit mah hand. what now cracka-ass Moby wanna-b, CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN!!! uH, what.

so yeah... dat waz pretty much da 1 tyme i needed 2 get dirr-DAY on sum1's ass in dat peace. oh except on thurrsday nite when tiffani amburr thessan's ass rolld up in da peace... we wuz talkin all nicey nice n' shit 4 a while there, but i wuz a lil drunk off sum Stoli and axadentally calld her Kelly Kapowsky. oops mah bad gurl. xXxLoLzxXx!! but she ain't thnik itz so funny n' she callt me britney. she said it wuz "BY AXADENT" but pleez... u all seen hurr ass up in 90210 n' u all kno acting is NOT hurr strong point wutsoeva, i could tell she just trynna start sum shit. well u shoulda seen da shit i brang y'all!! i kickt da table over an' clockked her ass upside da head wit' mah Jimmy Choo heel. b4 u kno it our bodygards were fightin an shit n' trynna hold me back frum shovin sum of dem cocktale umbrelllas in hurr eye. fuckin teacher pops a test kno im in a mess THIS bitch.

n e wayz i gotsta peace da FUCK chilluns... keep it durr-DEE till nexxxt time.



1 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

[06 Mar 2004|03:29am]
yo ima kill dis bitch. fuckin comin up in mah shit frontin dat shit. whut the fuck!!1 yall, mah dirrtiezz need ta IM dis bitch n let hur know not to fuck wit da QUEEN OF DIRRTAY!

Jettumz xX: hey
xtinafsho:hay who dis be?
Jettumz xX: my friend added you to my list...
Jettumz xX: who's this?
xtinafsho: dis is her dirrtyness XTINA AGUILERA
Jettumz xX: ahhhh hahahaha what the shit?
xtinafsho: yallz eva hurd of me
Jettumz xX: haha
Jettumz xX: christina aguilera sucks ass.
xtinafsho: who yo freind be?
Jettumz xX: Jess
xtinafsho: if u want u can read mah JOURNEL
xtinafsho: www.livejournal.com/users/dirrtychristina
xtinafsho: mm hm
xtinafsho: Jess
xtinafsho: dat bitxh
Jettumz xX: hahahaha
Jettumz xX: ok...
xtinafsho: she owez me $8
xtinafsho: ah dun signed sum shyt fo her ass n she neva paid me!
Jettumz xX: sure buddy
Jettumz xX: you're a mental defective.
xtinafsho: umm whut?
xtinafsho: u come up in mah shit
xtinafsho: sendin me messages
xtinafsho: n u wanna insult me
Jettumz xX: you're mental.
xtinafsho: hell naw
xtinafsho: biznitch u need to learn u some REPSECT yall na'mean?
Jettumz xX: why do you act like a spastic?
xtinafsho: yall wanna speak yo PIECE u can speak it
Jettumz xX: hahahahaha
xtinafsho: speak up bitch cuz ima get mah lawyerz on yo ass
Jettumz xX: umm.. not that i understand what you're saying..
Jettumz xX: how about you learn to speak ENGLISH?
xtinafsho: either that or ima kill u bridgette
xtinafsho: yeah i dun lernd yo name
Jettumz xX: what? are you gonna have sex with me and give me your AIDS?
xtinafsho: maybe ah will u dirty skank
xtinafsho: ur tryn 2 b all dirrTAY
Jettumz xX: how about no.
xtinafsho: but yall cant front 2 DIS
xtinafsho: n just 4 da record i aint got aids
xtinafsho: ah gotz vernerial disease n herpes n genitil wartz aight
Jettumz xX: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
xtinafsho: yea laugh it up ima rub dat shit allup in yo toilet
Jettumz xX: hahaha yay..
xtinafsho: n then ima rub yo face up in it
xtinafsho: AND what
Jettumz xX: :-\
xtinafsho: don be givin me sad faces now bitch
Jettumz xX signed on at 3:10:40 AM.
xtinafsho: u dun came all up in MAH shit lookin to start shit ima go APE SHIT ON YO ASS LIKE I DID KELLI OSBOURNE
Jettumz xX: its not a sad face
Jettumz xX: it's a :-\ face
xtinafsho: aight don bring yo :-\ up in mah shit then bitch
Jettumz xX: settle down
Jettumz xX: lmfao
Jettumz xX: god love you.
Jettumz xX: heh heh :-P
xtinafsho: ya you aint got shit 2 say
Jettumz xX: haha i know cause it's amusing.
Jettumz xX: :-)
xtinafsho: yeah ima amuse u wit mah fists
Jettumz xX: whee
xtinafsho: ima write a song bout yo dum ass
xtinafsho: i bet ur goth n shit aint ya
Jettumz xX: umm no.
xtinafsho: fuckin listenin to dat bitch ami lee in Evervescenes n shit
Jettumz xX: hahahaha
Jettumz xX: firstly, evanesece aren't gothic, secondly, i'm not gothic.
xtinafsho: don tell me ur sum lesbian shit like dat bitxh PINK
Jettumz xX: uhm no..
xtinafsho: whutchu liek den?
xtinafsho: therez me, pink, ami lee... aint no mo music out thurr!
xtinafsho: cept dat no talent britney... bitch aint got shit on me
Jettumz xX: i like Katy Steele
xtinafsho: sorry mah laptop is givin me shit ima throew dis shit out da window
Jettumz xX: its ok
xtinafsho: hopefull it'll hit u in the fuckin head
Jettumz xX: :-)
xtinafsho: dun fuckin smile at me bitch u dont know me
Jettumz xX: :-D
xtinafsho: u fuckin slut ima BREAK dat grill
xtinafsho: keep da tshit up
Jettumz xX: what the fuck.. grill?
Jettumz xX: you're not black...
xtinafsho: uhmm
xtinafsho: yesi am
xtinafsho: where U been
Jettumz xX: you might where a heap of fake tan, that doesn't mean you're black
Jettumz xX: :-)
xtinafsho: nah nah
xtinafsho: i aint hearin dis
xtinafsho: listen
xtinafsho: i gotz like...
xtinafsho: 1/88th black in me
xtinafsho: if dat aint black i dunno whut is
xtinafsho: n yo back in da day they coulda sold me as a SLAVE
5 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

mel gibson is a strait klan memba! [28 Feb 2004|02:24am]
[ mood | creative ]

yo kiddz... i jus got bak frum PASSION OF CHRIST.... yo dat shit wuz ok n' shit, but where r mah brothas n' sistahs up in dat peace??? THAT SHIT IS RASICT! mah gaat, when will mah ppl be depresst no mo'?!?!? i mean opprest...i thnk. 1 of dem. i dunno. but ch'all kno whut i mean. u kno if dat shit wuz da PASSION OF CHRISTINA, it would have mah ppl out da YANG! Mistah JC (as we BELEEVRS like 2 call him) would b Mekhi Fiffer, f'sho, cuz he in all blacC moviez. i could play Mary... dat shit would be so street. look, i aint even gotta try out 4 dat shit...

street. and then i could do dis...

that cameltoe is so nonseccular. i betchu Mary had sum holee cameltoe bakk in hurr day. i mean yo... they aint even have panties back then!!

an' yo... i could so be mehki's mutha... we almost gotz da same skin color.

mostly on mah face n' chest tho... don' look @ mah arm. NEWAYZ...

plus we gotz da same hair n' shit...

whut ch'all think???/?


1 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

thuqq BITCHsz [23 Feb 2004|06:15pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

yo yo yo whut up world! i saw dis lil' survey in mah nicca thuqq_misz's journel... an' as we all kno, dis bitch aint EVEN mah freind n' i don' like hurr 4 NOTHIN' ch'all. nah. nah. so i'ma sho u all dis dum bitches shit. u can find mah DIRECTA'S COMMINTARRY in bold. go change ya panties ch'all cuz u bout 2 pee urself laughin!!!!!1!


001) What time did you start this?: 11:50pm
002) Name?: Ashleigh
ooh babee slap ur momma fo' dat shit... u see dats y they shuldnt let mommas name they kids when them doctas KNO da bitch jus' got done shootin sum cocain or sum shit.
003) Date of birth?: September 5th
004) Sex?: iMa thuqq misz - hOllah
ur sex is "thuqq misz?" is dat like hermafrodite or sum shit? lolz, bitch u krazy...
005) Height?: 5'3
006) Eye color?: hazel
007) Weight?: idk .. idc : ]
translation: FATASS
008) Location?: St JaMes , Lonq Island, NY
009) Where were you born?: Florida
012) Do you have a crush on someone?: mmHm
013) Do you have a bf/gf?: noPe
ooooh boy am i surprised!!1!! LoLz!!
015) How long have you been together? neqative
016) What are you wearing right now?: tee shirt + jeans
017) Would you have sex before marriage?: possibly
don' lie ho
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: yess
MMMMMMM, now i c how u gettin dat diploma gurl!!
019) Are you a virgin?: yes : ]
020) Do you smoke?: Cigs? Yes Pot? Maybe
021) Do you drink?: once ina while
022) Are you ghetto?: 2 tha fullest ma neEzy
o mah gaat... BOUGHETTO! is dis bitch playin wit Xtina? mah gaat...
023) Are you a player?: fucC that .. its pimpette 2 you
LoLz... r u serius wit dis shit? ur "fucC"in crakkin' me up wit dis, biznitch!
024) What are your favorite colors?: red blue
025) What is your favorite animal?: tiqer
wtf is a "TIQER?" dat must be sum shit u find in da inna-city GHETTO cuz i don' even kno bout dat shit
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: yeSs
LoLz, dats ill
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: nope
029) Have you ever beat someone up? ive done damaqe
031) Have you ever been slapped?: pimp slapped ..
032) Do you go online a lot?: yeahH
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: outqoinq ..
034) Do you shower?: hmm .. NO!? duHh
shit bitch, u fat N' u don' shower? no wunda u aint got no man!
035) Do you hate school?: YES
036) Do you have a social life?: oh yeSs
037) How easily do you trust people?: not at all
038) Have you ever lied to your best friends?: yes
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? yes
040) Would you ever sky dive?: if someone paid for me
041) Do you like to dance?: yes
068) Have you ever been out of state?: umm yeah
069) Do you like to travel?: no
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: yes
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: omg yeah
y u wanna leeve da ghet, gurl? all dem TIQERS all ova... itz beautiful. lolz
072) Are you spoiled?: aha .. nahh
073) Are you a brat?: nah
nah... GHET-T0
074) Have you ever been dumped?: yeah its a part of life
076) What's your favorite drink?: sprite
077) Do you like Snapple?: mMhMm
they gotz a word 4 u gurl... CHICKEN HEAD
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: yes
079) What toothpaste do you use?: watever is there
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: nO
081) Do you have a curfew?: yeah but do i obey should be the question ..
082) Who do you look up to?: xtina
OH MAHHH GAAAT GURL U R SO SWEET... 2 bad i don' like ur ass. don' by no more of mah albums biznitch.
085) What name brand do you wear the most?: ecko red
in case u'all didn' kno she wuz "fuCc"in gheto b4...
086) What kind of jewelry do you wear?:
i kno that u maybe didn' kno whut dat say cuz ur so ghetto... lemme put it in words u can unnastand: whut kinda BLING u b rokkin'?
087) What do you have pierced?: tonque + ears and in a lil while myy nose
oh maah gaat gurl, culd u be playin on mah style ANY MORE? shit, i gotz "myy" nose purrced 2 bitch
088) What do you want pierced?: nose which im boout 2 do
089) Do you like taking pictures?: yah
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: sure
091) Do you have a tan?: no
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: yEss
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: yupP
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: nah
095) Do you have your own pool?: nope
course not, u'all eva hurrd of a cardbord boxx on da side of da street dat got itz own pooL?
096) Do you have any siblings?: yessss
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: boxers
098) Have you ever been played?: yepP
099) Have you ever played someone?: eHh ..
100) Do you get along with your parents?: parents? what are those?
shit ho, u r one!!! don' play it off like u aint got no kids, we all kno da TROOF!
102) How do you vent your anger?: fiqht
103) Have you ever run away?: haha .. qoOd question!
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: yes lol
105) Do you even have a job?: yea
106) Do you daydream a lot: ahuh
107) Do you have a lot of ex�s?: oh yeah
108) Do you run your mouth?: shiiit ill run it to ya face
109) What do you want a tattoo of?: my anqel winqs
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: nothin yet .. :X
111) What are your favorite flowers?: yellow roses
112) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: it dont matter
yeah, jus' so long as he will pimp slap ur skank ass and knokk u up!
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: brown hair, brown eyes, shorT, skinnyyyy - CMJ!
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: nahh theres been attempts
whutchoo call DIS SHIT, u bitch?
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: like wednesday
116) Are you rude?: lets juss say .. upfront
how bout we juss say "HO?"
117) What was the last compliment you received?: "iMa SeXxY mOfO"
118) Do you like getting dirty?: hOllaH
ahhh HEEEEEELLLL no bitch u aint dirrty fo' NUTHIN, an dis is cumin frum da DIRRT QUEEN bitch, what!
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: innie
120) Are you flexible?: no
121) What is your heritage? a lot
jus' say u don' kno cuz ur deadbeat dad left ur ho mom when he found out she wuz pregnent witchu!
122) What is your lucky number?: 5
123) What does your hair look like right now?: dark brown, puerto rican part, low curly bun
O_O "who got da HOOCH, baby..."
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: nah
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: earlier
126) Describe your looks?: dark brown hair, hazel eyes, shoulder lenqth, idk ..
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: the dark brown that it is
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: if i liked them enouqh
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: if i liked them enouqh
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: i dont remember
rememba... it wuz when ur drunk ass passt out and u got sum dicks run up ya ass by all them guys in dat alleyway
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: the otha nite
ptshh... bitch pleez
132) Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: receive
OF COURSE you greedy silly ho
133) Have you ever given? um yeah
HAHAHAHAHA of course ho
134) Have you ever received? duHh
oh mah gaat, r u TRYIN 2 sound like a ho???/??
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: i wish
136) Do you have one now?: once aqain .. i wish
137) How many rings until you answer the phone?: 3
coincadently dats how many guys did u on ur couch dis weekend
138) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: yeah
oh mah gaat... must i say it agin: YOUSE A HO
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: a half and half mix of both
don' lie, u aint even kno who ur daddee is!
141) Do you cry a lot?: nah
142) Do you ever cry to get your way? nah
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be? a finqer
oh mah gaat... now u all kno i aint da quickest crayon in da boxx, but yo, even I kno a "finqer" aint a limb! shit u dumb trick!!!
144) What phrase do you use most on the phone?: be easy
145) Are you the romantic type?: sorta
yeah rite, ur idea of foreplay is the man sayin "don't scream or i'll cut you"
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: haha .. no comment
pleeez, jus say "i live in da ghetto, nuff said!"
147) What do you like most about your body?: idk
i could asnwer dat: loose cooch
148) What do you like least about your body?: personaL
itz a STD, huh?
150) When was the last time you threw up?: idk
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: brunettes
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: diff pair every day .. qotta match!
damm gurl, i kno its hard to match dem maturnity clothes!
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly: nah
154) What about cleavage?: sometimes
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: nope
156) Have you ever fucked someone up?: oh yeah
yeah, UR CHILD
157) Have you ever been fucked up?: nah
158) What color are your underwear right now: blue
159) What theme does your room have?: purple
160) What size shoe do you wear?: it depends
161) What jewelry are you wearing: nothin
162)What time did you finish this? 12:15

i hop dat teaches ur ass 2 mess wit DIRRTASTIC Xtina, bitch-ass thuqq_misz... i aint gon' "misz" UR FACE when i knokk u da fuck out! stay da fuck out mah journle u trick or i'ma lay ur ass OUT! shit... yo, if NE of yall are tru Xtina fans, y dont'chall go to thuqq_misz's journle and leeve her bitch ass a comment and let hurr kno NOT to mess wit Xtina an' hurr peepz! An' lemme hear u give hurr a big FUUUUCK U rite hurr in mah journle, peepz!

NEWAYZ, now dat i be done showin thuqq_misz wussup, i want ch'all 2 b da 1st 2 hear dis news... dis summa i'ma b tourin' da GLOBE wit chur boy, CHINGY! No shit, son!!1!!1 How strait NICCA is dat shit? aint nobody gon' tell dis gurl she aint black now! noBOdy can HOL'... US DOWN! F'rillz. holla @ me ch'all...


5 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

umm yall I gotz a BONE ta pick, an i aint talkin bout no niggaz' bone WHAT! that was a joke yall.. [23 Feb 2004|03:17am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

sup bitchez n niggie nigz. dis is Xtina comin atcha from ma crib in L.A. datz rite, L.A. i be blingin it up herre fo all yall that dont even fuckin KNO aight? neway, 2day ah was watchin the MTV grammie special so ah could see whut they wuz sayin' about mah rags that i wore when i saw dat old mandat does the newz n shit... yo aint he died liek 3 years ago n shit???/ whuteva. neway he was talkin bout how STACIE ORRICO wuz talking MAD shit about me in some chinese newspaper. i wuz like WHUT? so i got out mah lappy n did some surfin online n i found THIS shit.


Yo... whut the FUCK is that??/ ahem an i KUOTE! KWOTE. nah dat aint rite. whateva herez what dat BITCH said bout me in mah gurl Britney... "I don't think that's sexy, I think it's degrading," the 17-year-old from Nashville, Tenn., said. "I think that a truly sexy woman comes from being confident and being classy, respectable and mature."

umm degradin? listen staccie whoricco the only thang bout pop music thatz degradin is yo HUGE fuckin' NOSE. dat shitz got itz own ZIP CODE yall hea me??? itz got iz own gravitational pull! yo we wuz in sum party (umm u know i dint talk 2 her) 'n i couldnt stop lookin at dat thing. it liek drawz u in!!! then she noticed ah wuz lookin at her so i gave her mah GRILL n dat little slut went runnin. and PLEAZ ... MTV ASIA?? baybee when u make it to da REAL MTV awarrds maybe then u can start flappin them fat lips u got but until then keep yo fuckin commentz to YOSELF!!!!

NEWAY ya;ll listen ah kno shes just hatin cuz GUESS WHAT BITCH YOU DIDNT GET NO GRAMMIE!!!!!! an thatz how it is yall.

5 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

bling bling... dats da sound of da lite bouncin off mah GRAMMIE n' blindin niggaz! [08 Feb 2004|09:07pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

omg ch'all, i m ritin' dis frum backstage @ da XTINA awards (sum of y'all be callin it da grammys or whuteva). YO YALL, I WON DAT SHIT UP!! who wunna graduate me? no... wait... CONgraduate me! Da's it! see, i tol' yall "BEAUTIFUL" was gon' win. an dam yall didja see mah purformince? all dems black peepz bhind me! i lookt like a f'rill NEGRO up in dat piece!

i coul' not BELEE bitch-@$$ amy Lee won best new artist tho... Do dat trick even kno i won dat shit b4? gahhdamn, why she keep playin on mah style! u a poser amy lee... stop trynna B me, da beautiful XTINA! you AINT beautiful no matta wut da grammys say!!1!1!!

u kno they hadda cut 2 a commershil rite afta trickass Amy lee won her shit cuz i stoood up on mah seat n' started yellin shit @ her. I WAS BOUT 2 WILE OUT YALL!! i got halfway down da isle n' sum securety guardz needed 2 hol' mah ass back! FIGHT-ER!! omg ch'all, u shulda SEEN dat trixx's face!! LoLz!!1! itz a good thing i didnt end up fightin dat bitch tho cuz i 4got 2 take off mah bling n' i left mah jar of vaseline at home so u kn0... it culdn't be no street fight like we roll in da BRONX, whut!

yo ch'all, leeve me sum GRADULATSION up in dis peace othawise u is SO off mah friends list. holla mah dirrt-ettes!


20 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

ahm'a pole yo asses [30 Dec 2003|11:01am]
aight wuzzup ya'll as u mite be awear itz almos da new year. N as ne Xtina Aguilera fan wud know that meanz itz time fo a new ethnicity!!!!!

datz rite babee! in mah jernal and mah jernal ONLY yall R gonna help ME, Xtina, queen'a dirrty choose man next gimmick... ah mean naturale born ethnicity!

y'all gotz a cuple of choicez dis year!!1

Furst up is azian. ya'll can see dat my eyez r kinda skuintie... skuintie? scuint... hole up lemme get man dickshunary... SQUINTY ya'll . f'sho,i knew dat shit. neway ah think man great great gramma was like a quarter azian, so dat oviously makes mah ass love Pokemon n Hello Kitty n shit. hell yall lookit dat MAKEUP! dat shit is OFF DA CHAIN!!!!!! i alreddy got thoz colors so it wudnt b hard 2 get mah face all KABOOKI! n yall kno none of mah clothes match so dat wont b a probblem. what do yall think????.//

hmm yall lemme be honest right herr i am feelin dat... yo all i gotz 2 do is paint my eyebrowz up real THICK. datz pretty easy! n get soem dots on mah face... yo i can do dis!!!

aw hell naw... dis shitz been DONE!1!!11



Ummm NO mah hairr alreddy lookz like dat!

Yo dat shit gotz potential!!!!

Ok dis is rill important fo me yall. ahm dependin on U! 2 hlp me make mah deciszion n shit. i want yo commentz cuz next year is da YEAR OF XTINA!!! OR CHING-TINA or XTINA AGUIBABA! lemme know wuss UP!
26 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

[25 Dec 2003|12:51pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

oh mah gaat. im 'bout 2 wile out y'all. dis aint funny.

i m @ mah parentz' house rite now celebratin Xmas, an' i wuz jus' openin sum presents... but get dis, i pull back da rappin' paper on 1 of dem, an' what do i see?


WTF, rite? dis GOTZ ta be sum kinda joke... an' yo, dis shit aint funny, y'hurrd! who done did dis? was it u, majordumbass? u betta hope i don' catch ur ass, othawize i'ma rip out all ur fake piercin's n' shit!! FIGHT-ER!

yo i betchoo itz mah trickass mom who got me dat shit... she don' kno whut up. 'round da holladayz, she drink alot an' dance 2 pebo bryson's Xmas album. dis mornin we found hurr ass hung ova n' passt out half way up da stairs n' smellin like peach schnapps.

but she mah mutha n' i <3 hurr no matta what!!1! n' yo, don' tell nobody, but i jacked sum of hurr dance moves n' used them in da "Dirrty" video! thats Y sumtimes it look like i m havin' seizures... dat was inspired by da time mah mom got alkohol poisonin' n' shit. it wuz hot.

NEwayz, i jus' wanted 2 say wWUZZUP 2 mah new peepz yesterdaysangel, br0k3nxluck, n' supasexy725, and ESPECIALLY mah biggest fan wantanewname.. yall r beautiful no matta what SUM BITCH-ASS HATAS WHO BE COMMENTIN IN MAH JOURNLE say! happy holladayz all mah beautiful 1s!!


6 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

rasicm!! its all racism! [20 Dec 2003|10:24pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

oh mah gaat y'all. i jus' needed to make a lil post rite hurr b/c i am so upset bout dis. i want y'all 2 look @ dis.

'NSYNC Members Accused Of Being Racists In Suit By Former Tour Manager

yo, how mah boy justin gon' call MAH PEEPZ "niggaz"? (shit bitches, remind me not 2 sleep wit him again!) like, its ok if a black person sez it, LIKE ME, but wen a ricecake bitch like him be sayin it, yo dats a whole nutha story!! how these white folk not unnastand how dat wurks? mah mannager is sayin sumthin rite now bout a "double standard," i dunno what dat is, but if its anything like "double penitration," shiiiiit boy dat is so yestaday! i did dat shit years ago. how u think i got me a record contrack?

NEwayz, i personlly hope n sync get they asses sent ta JAIL! there be plenny of "niggaz" (as justin calls them) up in that piece! our people be ALL DA TIME gettin arrested n' shit. maybe they can show them boys what da BIG diffrence be between whiteboys and black men, LADIES, NA'MEAN???! hahaha


16 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

xtina's xmas!!1!11!! [15 Dec 2003|02:33am]
[ mood | jubilant ]

yo peepz! i wuz jus' lookin @ mah calender of black mens & i rillized OMG, its less then 2 weeks til Xmas! MURRY XMAS yall!

Hurr's mah list fo' dis year.

1.) scarface on DVD. i aint neva seen dat movie but "MTV cribs" be rollin' in hurr next month & i wanna look street...

2.) da chipmunks christmas cd. THAT SHIT IS OFF CHAIN and yo sum yall dunno, but dats whurr Britney got hurr start! yup yup, belee it or not, she's Simon on dat shit! omg i am funny as SHIT

(i'ma hafta hide dat shit when "cribs" roll in... chipmunks aint street)

3.) thong undawurr from some place classy like Sear's or jcpenny's.

4.) legally blonde 2 on DVD... i m makin an independnet film bout mah life called "legally negro" starrin' mahself & mekhi fifer, & i need to do sum reserch!

5.) a punk hair straightner from HOT TOPIC... maybe one of them phat ones wit FIRE on it... or a care bear or sum shit. that shit makes u so punk.

6.) a new goldfish... i done killt Shakur, mah first one. i was feedin that shit & one of mah dreadlokks dipped in da tank. 'Fore i knew it, da water was all cloudy & mah baby Shakur done went belly up! R I P babyboi!

Dat's all i can think of rite now. but yo, whats important at dis time of year aint what presents u get... but HOW MANY u get. remember dat shit girlies when u trollin' da streetz for a sugadaddy. u gotta make sure he ain't got no babymommas chompin' at his jock so he can spend dat paper all on u!

peach & luv peepz!


4 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

oh mah gaat [08 Dec 2003|05:28pm]
[ mood | loved ]

yo... i m so blesst. omg. i cant even BELEE dis shit, i been nomonated fo FIVE grammies dis year!!!1! yall rilly dig mah shit!! & yo, yall seen da shit im up against? LOL, i got them awords on LOCK!!1! so it's BASICALLY like i already won dat shit!! 'specially da SONG OF DA YEAR... yo i aint even hurrd of these peeps! well ok... i know emimen... i suckt him off a couple'a years ago. but luther vandros? is he like G-unit? i don' even know.

Im up against Kelly Clarksin for Best Bitch Pop Proformance (how they even gonna call mah shit pop? it is so street, i am so hip hop gangsta... every1 feetured on dat joint be black!!1!!1!). shit, i gots a better voice then that shit. bitch i voted for CLay aikin, what u doin wit' a record contrack?? yup bitch i'll see u up on stage when im acceptin mah aword! miss indapennant sittin in da crowd, indapendnat of her GRAMMY! omg dat was funny

but yo let me be rill honest witch'all rite hurr. the aword i RILLY wunna win is best pop collaberation wit vocals... im nomonated wit KIM, mah gurl! it would be so special 2 share dat wit hurr. we have shared so much in da past... clothes... makeup... men... bodily fluids... she is 4eva mah gurl, an if u readin dis Kim, I <3 u gurlie! shit yeah...


3 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

u kno... itz rill hard 2 b a star like me [03 Dec 2003|10:13pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Yo, Xtina Aguilera cummin atcha wit anutha FRIDAY FIVE! shit n' it aint even fridae!!! dats da dirrty way of lyfe! fsho!

1. Do you like to shop? Why or why not?
yo... i LUVS ta get mahself new ish ta wurr 2 da aword shows n' shit... i <3 2 shop @ ecko... sean john... omg, FUBU how could i furget Fubu, mah 1 n' only luv! Mista Fubu HISSELF be sendin me sum outfits 2 wurr n' shit. n' u kno whut? i alwayz lookin bettah than britney's trick ass.

all mah ladies feelin' me?

2. What was the last thing you purchased?
Vibrater. BUT YO, IT AINT WHUTCHOO BE THINKIN'!!!!!!!! Its so i can git mahself off! shit, wutchoo thinkin????

3. Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Why?
Whurrs da fun in shoppin if i cant go out on da town n' show mah beautiful self off toall mah fans?!!!?! fredricks of hollywood is MAH STORE! i go thurr all da time n' let da tabloids take sum pi'tures of me walkin in! front page babyugrls! but yo, when i be shoppin at them rill embarrassin stores that u don' want ur fanz 2 kno bout (like old navy ) i keep dat shit on da DL and hit up da innanet!!!1!

4. Did you get an allowance as a child? How much was it?
well as all u kno... times wuz rill tuff ova @ da Aguilera houshold when i wuz jus' a lil nigglet. basically i had t'whore mahself out 2 git sum spendin money. but yo, i will NEVA 4get as long as i live, the Xmas when mah mommma got me them big hoop earrings wit' bigass "C"s in them... yo, da next week, when i rolled up in da bowlin alley wit mah new bling, ALL da dudes wunned on dis shit! lemme tell u, big hoops wit ur name in them be pure CLASS. and dat's whussup

5. What was the last thing you regret purchasing?
i rilly wish i hadnt gotten dat x-tra large size tube of KY jelly. yo, maple syrup wurk JUS' fine, an we gots sum Ant Jemimas lyin round da house!~!!1! but yo, dat tube of loobracant aint gon' go to waist, not wile XTINA be 'round! i be ALL DA TIME thinkin of new wayz 2 use evrydae idems round da house, like loobricant!!! yo, jus' put sum of dat shit on yo body n' legs n' BAM! ...u gotz urself a SLIP N' SLIDE whereva u go! i play dat shit in lotza places... in da local supa wall-mart.... at da ZOO... even down da isle at mah church on sunday mornin! i can alwyz run faster then them trick nuns. but damn, must they be throwin sum Holee Water at me? dat shit BURNS


5 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

twistd sistah mah ass! [02 Dec 2003|12:15am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

yo.... i wuz rill ofendded yestahday. let me open up f'yall rite hurr an do sum sole surchin.

i wuz watchin divaz 2003 on VH1 las' nite an wunderin Y i wuznt invited agin this year... yo, jus' cuz i tryd 2 hump down celeen deeon on stage! whuteva. fuckin bitch trynna copy mah shit wit her joint "dat's da way it is." JUS' CUZ AH CAME OUT WIT MAH SHIT AN HIT IT BIG, U GOTZ TA GANK IT! yo dats fuckt, but dat's da way da muzik indistree wurkz up n hurr.

ne wayz... after da diva show, they wuz doin I LOVE DA 80s and dat fucker michael ian black compared me 2 dee snider! ME!

yo... i don even see da resemblince


3 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

ahm gonna tell u a secrit!!!! Shhhhhhhh [01 Dec 2003|09:38am]
[ mood | horny ]

sup bitcheszzzz dis is Xtina Aguilera comin atcha from da bathroom of... sumwhere. fuck ah dont remember wherre i am... shit. ok lookin at da decore and little soaps i can see i am in a holidae inne (SHOUT OUT TO MAH BOY 'CRIS!!!!!!!!!111 holla at me babeeee!) ah just done woked up n i don kno how i gotz herre. neway, ah got a special message fo yall regarbin' thanksgivin.

well as u all mite kno i am 1/18 mohican or seminowles (is dat part of beyonces tribe? i dunno dat shit) so u know mah native american heritage is very importint 2 me. 2 b honest mah dirrty hair is in honor of mah indian background, u know dey aint neva done washed there hair! u seen them movies n shit.. so neway, thanksgvin is very importint 2 me 2. i am thankful fo mah money, mah body, mah hair, mah jewels mah ice mah benz look homie i done came up... whoa, sorry ah don zoned out right therre. so dat is mah happy thanksgivin note 2 u all! see ah can be meaninful an like sensitive n shit. FUCK U BRITNEY! bitch.

so now yall kno da secrit origin of mah hair!!!! go tell da magazines!

2 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

i'ma get in UR zone bitch!! u best watch yoself! [19 Nov 2003|11:11pm]
[ mood | hot ]

ok yall i gotz sumthin rill rill persinal to talk t'yall bout rite hurr. so sit down, git a cup of hot chocklat (or crush yoself a line of Smarties, yall kno who u b!) an let lil XTINA reveel sumthin fo u.

i wuz @ mah local Best By and i was walkin round, doin mah thang, lookin fo some sugadaddies ta buy me da new Tupac album, when THURR IT WAS... a table in da middle'a da store... COVERED IN FUCKIN BRITTNEY. all hurr cds... calenders... pi'tures... i turn 2 Rumellio an said Aww hell naw i can' BELEE u didnt call dis place and tell them i wuz comin!!1!!1 he said he did but the maniger said he ain't curr bout me n' shit... i said aww hell naw!!1! again!! so i walkd ova 2 da table n' i axed da lady workin whut da fuck she think she doin. she wuz a lil latina woman so i let hurr speak, othawize i woulda kickt hurr ass right thurr!! FIGHT-ER! N E wayz she wuz trynna say somethin but i aint listen 2 dat shit. i got rill mad and pushed ova da table!!1!! CANT HOLD ME DOWN!! all dat bitch FAKETITNEY's cds fell on da floor!~1!! LOLOLOLLO1!!!1!!111!!! when da security peepz finally got thurr, i wuz doin da "Dirrty" dance on toppa da CDs. one of da cops injeckted me wit sum animal tranqilizerz... when i woke up i wuz layin in a shoppin cart outside da superwalmart wit a stack of amerrican cheese... but yo it all wurkd out fo da best, i gotz alotta durrtiness fo free! rite now mah whol boddy smell like egg rolls. dat's hot.


wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

friziday fizive!1! ! Fo sheezzzz. [08 Nov 2003|02:34am]
[ mood | dirty ]

Yo wut up yall... mah friend showd me dis thang she do every friday n' it seem prety cool... called da Friday Five n' shit. ima do it rite hurr fo' all mah fans n' shit. yo check dis shit n' get a lil insite inta Xtina an' hurr world!! shit!

1. What food do you like that most people hate?
yo lemme tell u f'rill... peepz b givin me krazy looks n' shit when i eat mah Popeyes chickin & collerd greens & hot sauce sammiches. but dat shit taste like HEAVEN yall, yo... i aint even playin. n' dem black mens think i been brought up RITE, y'hearD!!!

2. What food do you hate that most people love?
omg yo i dont even HANG wit dat fish shit... tuna fish be da WURST shit in da world. fuckin juessica simpson an' hurr "chickon of da sea" bull-ish... pleez yall... dat bitch done NEW dat fish wasnt chickin... stop playin u bruce springsteen beat jackin prude ass trick. she need more sex in hurr lyfe n' she need a RILL man, not dat ho Nick Lagay... shit bitch if u gon marry a boyband dude, at least go fo' the top!!1! thats why i fuckt JUSTIN, u kno dat shits f'sho!

3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?
will smif. dat boi need 2 STOP... PLAYING... WIT' XTINA... MARIA... CONSUELA... BAILARINA... LA'NYLA... SHI'BONQUA... TAKES'IT'IN'THE'ASS... AGUILERA. dat boi GOTZ ta be paintin he skin brown or SUM shit cuz there aint no way he black. we can sense our own, y'know?

4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find

linda tripp gurl if u readin dis, u r beautiful no matta what SNL says...

5. What popular trend baffles you?
SHOWERIN! yo how u RILLY gon wash out all dat dxirrtyness u accumul8ed ova da corse of da day!!!1! omg dats whack

how yall like dat shit??!/? let me kno n' may b ill do it agin sumtyme!!1!!1 <3 xoxo <3 kisses all mah beautiful 1s out thurr!!1!


5 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

jUst when u think u kno a gurl!11 [30 Oct 2003|09:36am]
[ mood | sad ]

shit... jus when u think u & ur best friend cant get nemore TITE... they gotz 2 go n fuck it up! ah thought me n mah gurl Britney wuz all made up... sure we done fought over mah baby boy jUstin... but damn... lookit what she siad bout me!

an i kwot: "Why? Why are they mad at me? Spears said. "Why are they not going at Christina [Aguilera]? Have they seen what she has on?...Beyonc dresses provocatively. Why don't they say something about her? What is 'too sexy' to them?"

Britney done did me WRONG n i aim to get back fo this shit! we wuz friends yall!!1! we shrared our first kiss 2gether!!!1 not meny ppl kno that, but it's f'true! we wuz like sistahs. hell i AM a sista now, u still a white little rice cake bitch...

omg... dat shit makez me SOOOO sad... i aint crid since ah found out ah wasn't gonna be on NOW Vol. 14... well that wuz yestrday but whateva that aint the point! ah just realised yall r seein a side of Xtina that aint often availible to the public at large. The soft, vulnerable, emotional side! Sometimes I feel like the world is trying to crush me. As if I were a tender flower under the unsuspecting heel of society! I've got to keep blooming... Keep being beautiful. Oh woe is me...

whut the... whut the fuck wuz dat? feels like mah head clearedup frm dat line ofcoffee creamer ah snoirted last night... neway... i feels like dis was a cleansin experience. ah need 2 go roll around in raw chicken or sumthin. PEACE ya'll!!!!

4 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

[27 Oct 2003|07:29pm]
[ mood | sympathetic ]

sup biznitch, its me Xtina up in dis piece fo ya 2nite. im still in yourope (yknow where greek is...) n i been keepin up wit mah Friendz List. ah just gots 2 say sum of mah biggest fanz r goin thru some ruff times theese days n i wanna say 2 them, 2 mah gurls brit majordumbass & assleey go_ashleey yall R beautiful, no matter what yo teachers parents friends cousins priests homless guys n the street & taco bell drive thru ppl say. ne way herres a lil sample of one of they entries fo ya.

"sob sob my life is so terrible... sob sob... my mom and dad treat me like crap, yet i stil;l live with them... what have i done to deserve this! *snorts childens advil* woe is meeeee. FUICK YOU!@"

ah luv u gurls, f'rill.

23 got a lil unRUL-AY!!1!1!| wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

how 2 b dirrty [22 Oct 2003|11:58am]
[ mood | artistic ]

hey big wuzzups 2 all my fanz out therre. 2day i gotz a special entry fo yo asses. itz like im gonna be yo teecher 2day n ima show yall how to be dirrty F'RILL! aight? dis is like gettin yo fashin tips str8 outta da garbage can! yall r gonna b dirrty, ugly, smelly, stinky, fishy, tangled, lookin' like u got dick slapped bye yo pimp all n jus a few simple setps usin pics of me.


1. mkay, letz bgin wit da hairr ah got goin on herre. yall like dat shit? itz me doin a concurt in some place called swissterland or sum shit. actally, i dunno how da WORLD ah got there. f'rill, ah just woke up n some S-n-M club wit mah head in a toilet an mah arms tyed to a dead chimpnzee on friday n i wuz like well aight an i just got up n sang sum songs. solemme walk u thru how ah got2b so galmerous for dis event behind da "Derr Zupermarket" as mah swusterland friends call it! yo dey r so funny. ne way as yall kno i woke up n da toilet so ah rilly didn need 2 do nething 2 mah hair... but ah wuz like dis is a special once in da lifetime oppatumitie2!!!1 so ah put some beezwax in mah hair and dats why it's all nice n luxiurious. ah left da stench of urine in therre 2, da guys behind "derr zupermarket" seem 2 like dat shit.

2. um ok on 2 mah face, well i told yall dat i woke up in da bathroom but ah guess rumellio got dem to do dat a-tox treatment on mah face dat i see jennifer flavin-stallone sellin' on HSN all da time while ah wuz passt out. well it wurked real good cuz as u can C mah face is all burnt up n peelin rill nice. yall like ydat? dats dirrrty wit THREE Rs aight?? shiiit.

3. dat faciul also burnted out mah eyebrow. FINALLY ah told mah manerger ah wanted dat shit done but he wuz like well u might lose some fanbase n i was like biiitch u know how many rill LATIN gurls shave derr (thatz mah swisszturtown talk rite therr!) 4eyebrows? so whuteva i like it a lot. so i painted dem on like mah idol selena. yo i wish ah was mexican, dey only gotz 2 shower like once a monf! neway.

4) mo make up tips. wll dis is more like not rilly a tip for putting onmakeup but more like makin shure it stayz on. yall wit me? aight well ah do mah makeup for them awardz showz n then ah just leeve it on fer like two weeks but ur thinkin "xtina baby, queen of all dirt scum and nastyness how DO u keep it on?" well herez mah secret tip babyz an im only gonna share it witt u. remember back when yall wuz litle n u glued macaronis to papur 2 take home 2 ur mama? well dat glue did not only taste wonndeful, if u just smear it all ova yo face it will preserrve yo makeup at itz dirtiest! yall dirrtie gurlz keep dat 2 yo self aight?

5) 1 last thing b4 ah go to da tannin salon. yall notice mah essence truly shines in dis pic... itz all me frill... mah glow is very special, and herrs how ah get it ah just let rumelio slap me n thu face like a dozzen times. it makez mah cheeks all rosy kinda like if ah just had a train run up on me by a highsKool baseball team!

aight ah hope yall enjoyed mah little fashin tips. if yall want plz send in yo DIRRTY pics n ah will post them here for all da fans 2 C!!! an maybe ah;'ll send ya an autographed pic of me! N if u gotz a DIRRTY tip go aheand n post it here1
wanna git DIRRTAY??/???

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